Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
