But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
