everyone is single if you try hard enough
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
