Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
