Capitaan dildo arrescate!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
