What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
