if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
