Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
