Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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