What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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