You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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