She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
