I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Randomize
