Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
