Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
