He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
