OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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