The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
