i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
