So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
