I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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