I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
