she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
there's paper in my vomit.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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