i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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