FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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