I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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