When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
