Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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