Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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