I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we're making bets on your personal life
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
