you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
