omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
