Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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