im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
