I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
