Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
