I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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