I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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