This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
