I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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