Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
