do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
