I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
