the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my shit smells like andre
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
