i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
