I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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