I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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