she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
