Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
