dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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