I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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