shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
