i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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