Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
