Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You can't special order awesome
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
