chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
