So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
