Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
