He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize