He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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