I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
