Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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