So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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