Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
