Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
