does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
