Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
