I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
