I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
