Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
