Where did you get a picture of my penis
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Panties = found
Randomize
