you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
