I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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