So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
