I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
