i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
