I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
