I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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