I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
