I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
