I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
