sarcasm needs its own font
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
