U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
