Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
