Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
