Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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