Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
