Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
