They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
