i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
